Fancy dinner?

Me: "That's classy, blowing your nose on a bit of bog roll."

Craig: "You can't talk, you were drinking that Lambrini out of the bottle last week."

Me: "Do you want a slap?"

Despite what the above quote may suggest, tonight was doss. For a tenner, I got a glass of champagne, a perfectly nice three-course meal, and a bit of dancing thrown in.

I had worried beforehand that I wouldn't be let into this black-tie do wearing a vintage golfing jumper and bright green tights, or that I would be identified as someone who isn't even staying in halls, but there were no problems in the end. Craig started off as underdressed as me, but then borrowed a suit from someone. By a small miracle, it fitted him perfectly.

"I hate you!", I wailed. Other people may well have shared this view, if only because he'd held us up by ten minutes while he was getting changed.

Champagne and I have a mutual dislike of each other (see the incident at my aunt's wedding last month), but I had a glassful anyway and didn't fall asleep during dinner. Said dinner consisted of tomato and mozzarella slices, followed by chicken, with chocolate fudge cake for pudding. Rather tasty, not to mention excellent value.

There was also free wine, which Olly deemed as "drinkable": this was probably what propelled most of the room onto the dancefloor once the cake had been consumed. I was considerably more reluctant, but Mario coaxed me into demonstrating what few moves I have.

"Mario wants you", Samie later said; Craig agreed.

Sorry, Mario, but my cheating days are over!

Meanwhile, Rikki was getting drunk in the Union bar. I don't think he was too unhappy about that arrangement.

The plan after tearing up the dancefloor had been for me to accompany everyone to Leicester Square, but I ended up going home by myself because people were being very disorganised. Before I left, I met a guy dressed in a shiny gold bodysuit.

All in all, I'd classify tonight as a good night. I even got some Haribo with the last of my spare change, although I haven't eaten them yet.